it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
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She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
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Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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