Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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