just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
