I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize