so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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