yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
