i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
