Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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