How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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