he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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