I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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