I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
