I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
