Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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