I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
COCAINE IS GR8
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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