You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Randomize
