I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you win again, gameday.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I just found puke in my bra..
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
