Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
