your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
