I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
is this the sara with the beer cane?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
PANTIES FOUND
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