ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
