She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
My penis needs a shock collar
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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