Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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