Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
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I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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