just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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