I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
