It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
