hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Bring me that man meat
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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