k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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