you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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