I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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