Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
