I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
