I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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