im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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