I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
