Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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