I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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