this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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