I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
