the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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