Taylor Swift is so right about you.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
