Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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