there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
