You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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