I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
