Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
