Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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