I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
