rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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