some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
