Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
