can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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