Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So squirting runs in the family.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
