is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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