Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Randomize
