Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
