Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize